Blessing Others
/Growing Together Podcast Episode #3: Blessing
The spiritual practice of blessing is a tool we can use to offer love and hope to others.
If you sneeze in public my guess is you will hear at least one person respond: "Bless you.” This is perhaps the simplest most common example of a blessing. At the end of worship, you might notice that the worship leader gives a benediction, a bestowing of a blessing at the end of a worship service. The words given remind us of who we are and provide encouragement as we prepare to go back into the world to do God’s holy work. This is another common example of the practice of blessing.
Words of blessing offer an opportunity for us to give and receive words of love, to remind one another who we are as God’s beloved children, and to encourage each other in the work God has called us to do. Barbara Brown Taylor, describes the spiritual practice of blessing as a way to give thoughtful prayer to those we love. What a gift this practice offers us and our family.
I was first introduced to blessing as a spiritual practice for those we are in community with when I was trained as a Godly Play story teller. Following the pattern of worship, Godly Play includes a time of blessing at the end of every session. Participants are invited to receive a blessing from their Godly Play Teacher before leaving. This looks different in various settings. It might be the sign of the cross on a hand, or on a forehead. Words can vary too. The one I learned first is very simple and easy to remember: “God loves you, God’s with you, Go in peace.” I still remember this first experience of blessing- the trainer looked me in the eyes, made the mark of a cross on my forehead, and said those simple words to me: “God loves you, God’s with you, Go in peace.” I was greatly impacted by this experience and as I returned home I was eager to begin using this tool in my own ministry.
As I began to introduce this practice into my own work with children, including my Godly Play classroom, I began to see the impact on me and on the children as we bless each other. Several years ago, I had a young boy join my Godly Play circle. He was new to the church and to this group. He was tentative and shy and stood in the back of the room as his newly adoptive parents encouraged him to join the group. At the end of our time together I invited the children up one by one to receive their blessing. I always give people the choice of how they would like to receive their blessing: in the air, on their hand, on their forehead…. That day a few of the children decided they wanted their blessings on their feet. So as I called this young child up he walked slowly to me, and when I asked if I could give him a blessing he nodded and put out his foot, and I blessed him. Every week he returned to this community, and at the end of our time together I would offer him a blessing. Over time he would ask for his blessing on his hand, and then after a year he asked for me to bless him on his forehead. This was our time to connect every week and for me to offer a prayer as I reminded him who he is as a precious child of God. Three years later, this child was old enough to move into the youth group. Like most children’s ministers on that first day of the new year I was excited to meet new faces and I missed the ones who had moved up too. At the end of class I looked up and saw this now adolescent boy standing in the back of the room, I asked him if he was there to pick up his brother and sister and he said, “yes.” He paused for a moment and then he continued: “I was wondering if I can still get my blessing?” He walked toward me and pulled his hair back as I moved to greet him with the words that I had said so many times over those three years: "God loves you, God’s with you, Go in peace." On that day I was forever changed as I realized that this time of blessing had become an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship and for me to offer words to remind this young person that he was loved child of God. I like to think that young man was changed too. That moment taught me the impact blessing others can make.
Just as a pastor or ministry leader has an opportunity to bless members in their congregation, we have an opportunity to bless the members of our household- every day. In his book, The Family Blessing, Rolf Garborg talks about the importance of a daily blessing and gives family guidance in doing this work at home. He lists out steps as a way to get started: (you can see a link to his book below)
Now is the time to start blessing your children today
find a consistent time to bless your family (this might be at bed time, or at the start of a new day).
Ask God for the words, find words in scripture, or you might use some of the blessings listed below.
Just like other spiritual disciplines- when we pick up this tool for the first time it might be wonky or weird. It might be messy.If your children are older and this practice is new to them, they may wonder what on earth it is you are doing.
Barbara Brown Taylor writes about this in her book, An Altar in the World. “The easiest way to learn to write a blessing is to do it.” Begin by blessing any old stick you find lying around. “Bless you stick, for being you.” When something feels new or different the best way to move through the initial hesitation is to practice. We can get comfortable using this tool by starting simple like blessing something like a stick or a tree as we make the words and the action our own.
Garborg suggests you talk to your family about what a blessing is so they are not surprised or unsure about what is happening. Any time I bless a person of any age for the first time, I always take time to explain what I am doing. It doesn’t necessarily make it less wonky or weird, but it does help us learn and grow as we practice the tool together. Like other disciplines- the more you practice the easier it gets, and in my experience, using this tool changes you and the person you are blessing.
It is never too early or late to begin blessing your family. Remember- there is not one way to do this work. We do not pick up spiritual tools to use them perfectly, but we pick them up and we practice using them as we seek ways to connect to God and each other.
This can look different in every home, every community, and every ministry setting.
This has looked different in my family depending on the time and place when I offer the blessing.
When I was pregnant, I dreamed of the day when I would hold my son for the first time, give him his name, and bless him. I will always remember the moment when they put him in my arms, he opened his eyes, and as he looked at me I made the sign of a cross on his forehead, spoke his name for the first time, and said: “Welcome to the world, we are so glad you are here.”
We started that day blessing our son, and every night we bless him before he goes to bed. Making the sign of a cross on his forehead and saying these words: “God loves you, God is with you, sleep well knowing you are loved."
When it came time for me to return to work and I had to leave him at daycare, as a first time mom I was really struggling to say good-bye. In order to make the transition easier, as I left I asked God to watch over him in my absence and I blessed him: “God loves you, God’s with you, have a great day.” When I would check on my son in the afternoon I would bless him before laying him in his crib at school for his afternoon nap. This was our way to connect and pray together. This short moment provided me with the peace I needed to leave him in the care of his teachers. Blessing my son provides me with an opportunity to connect with him and I hope it will continue to be a tool our family can use as we connect to God and each other.
I have had the opportunity to talk to many families about their experience with this spiritual practice in their homes. I have several who have shared with me their experiences of blessing older children or adolescents. Parents have shared with me that when it feels weird or if their child goes to bed on their own, that they will stand in their child’s doorway making a sign of the cross in the air, offering a silent blessing over them while they sleep.
One memorable story comes from a dad who once shared with me about his experience and favorite moments of blessing his son. He shared that he blessed his son every night since his son’s birth. When he dropped his son off at college, he turned to leave and as he did, he heard his son say: “Hey dad, aren’t you going to bless me before you go?”
When we do this work we have an opportunity to strengthen our relationship with our families, show them how much they are loved by God and by us, as remind them that they are not alone in the world. The hope is that this will help give them the faith, confidence, and courage they need to live in the world as Christ’s beloved child.
It is important to recognize that we can bless our spouses and other family and friends too. As you practice this practice in your homes, I hope you will share your experiences and your blessings on the growing together families facebook page.
Until next time: I offer this blessing and prayer: God loves you, God is with you, Go in peace.
Blessings:
Beginning of the day: God loves you and God is with you as you share God’s love with others.
Bedtime: God loves you, God is with you, sleep well knowing you are loved
Anytime: God is with you, Christ is beside you, the Holy Spirit moves through you. You have all you need to do God’s important work.
Resources:
Growing Together Families Monthly Newsletter and Monthly Blessing
Living with the Holy (How to practice spiritual disciplines with your family. Includes blessings)
The Family Blessing, Rolf Garborg
An Altar in the World Excerpt: The Practice of Pronouncing Blessings
An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith, Barbara Brown Taylor